Is it Time to Divorce? How to Know if the New Year Is the Right Time to Make a Change
The start of a new year often brings with it feelings of hope, renewal, and change. For many, it’s a time to reflect on the past and reassess their personal goals. Whether it's prioritizing health, advancing in your career, or improving your finances, the new year is a natural time for self-reflection. For some, however, the new year may bring up deeper questions about the state of their marriage: Is it time to divorce? Should I continue investing in my relationship, or is it time to acknowledge that it's no longer working?
If you're feeling uncertain about your marriage as the new year begins, you're not alone. Divorce is a significant life decision, and there are many factors to consider. In this post, we'll walk through some of the emotional, practical, and legal aspects of deciding whether it's time to move forward with a divorce. We’ll also explore how you can use the fresh start of the new year to make an informed, thoughtful decision for your future.
1. Recognizing the Signs: Is Something Missing in Your Marriage?
Before you even start considering divorce, it’s important to identify whether your concerns are the result of a temporary issue or a deeper, ongoing problem. A healthy relationship requires work, but when the efforts to resolve problems go unreciprocated or are unproductive, the signs may become hard to ignore.
Here are some key indicators that may suggest it’s time to take a closer look at the state of your marriage:
Communication Breakdown
One of the most significant signs that a relationship is in trouble is a consistent breakdown in communication. If you and your spouse can no longer have meaningful conversations or if every attempt to talk about your feelings results in conflict or avoidance, this is a major red flag. Healthy communication is foundational to a strong relationship, and when it’s no longer there, the emotional connection begins to erode.
Over time, avoiding difficult conversations can lead to further resentment and emotional detachment. Even when you do communicate, if it’s mostly about logistics—who will pick up the kids, who needs groceries, or other mundane matters—it can leave you feeling like roommates rather than partners. Communication isn't just about solving problems; it's about sharing experiences, expressing needs, and reconnecting emotionally.
Constant Fighting, Emotional Distance
Frequent, unresolved arguments, emotional distance, or domestic violence indicates a relationship in crisis. If fights are getting more frequent or more intense, or if you both start avoiding each other or becoming emotionally distant, this can point to an unhealthy dynamic that may not easily be fixed. Emotional neglect is often just as damaging as physical neglect, and a marriage without emotional intimacy may lack the foundation needed to move forward.
Consider whether your arguments are about the same issues over and over again. Are you stuck in a cycle of blame without finding a solution? Do you feel like you’re fighting to be heard but nothing changes? Does your spouse become abusive? If so, these are generally signs that the relationship is no longer functional, and any changes may need to come from a fundamental shift—potentially through separation or divorce.
Lack of Trust
Trust is one of the cornerstones of any marriage, and once it is broken, it can be incredibly difficult to rebuild. Infidelity, dishonesty, or hidden finances can leave lasting scars. If trust has been compromised and one or both partners are unable to forgive or move past the betrayal, the marriage may be beyond repair.
Even if there hasn't been outright infidelity, emotional trust is equally important. If one partner feels emotionally neglected, unimportant, or unappreciated, it can lead to growing feelings of isolation. Without trust, intimacy and affection naturally suffer, making it harder to resolve other issues that may come up in the relationship.
Learn more about financial infidelity here.
Unresolved Issues or Growing Resentment
If you or your spouse are carrying around unresolved issues from the past—whether related to finances, children, or personal values—these can build up into resentment. Over time, this resentment can create a toxic environment in which both partners feel emotionally drained. If you’ve tried to work through the issues but haven’t made any progress, it may be time to reconsider whether the relationship is still healthy.
Resentment often grows when partners stop discussing their needs or experiences. It’s important to address the smaller grievances before they fester into larger problems. Resentment can also manifest when one partner feels like they’ve been giving too much without receiving the same in return. If this imbalance isn’t addressed, it can lead to emotional distance and ultimately dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Loss of Shared Goals or Values
Couples grow and change over time, but if you and your spouse no longer share common values, life goals, or visions for the future, it can feel like the relationship is drifting apart. For example, if one partner wants to move across the country for career opportunities while the other is deeply rooted in the current location, this could signal that your paths are no longer aligned.
Similarly, significant life changes—such as having children, changing careers, or encountering personal growth—can shift priorities. What once worked for both partners may no longer fit as their individual desires and life goals evolve. If these fundamental differences can’t be reconciled, it may be time to acknowledge that your paths are no longer in sync.
Emotional or Physical Abuse
Abuse—whether physical, emotional, verbal, or psychological—is never acceptable. If you’re in an abusive relationship, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. If you feel unsafe in your marriage, don’t wait for a new year to make a change; prioritize your safety and well-being by seeking professional support and considering divorce as a necessary option to escape the abuse.
If you are dealing with any form of abuse, it’s important to reach out to a therapist, a support group, or a domestic violence hotline. It also may be important to reach out to law enforcement and/or a family law attorney. Leaving an abusive relationship may not always be simple, but it's essential for your physical and emotional health.
2. Assessing Your Relationship’s Future: Can It Be Saved?
Once you’ve identified signs that your marriage might be in trouble, it’s important to reflect on whether the relationship can be saved. Sometimes, marriages go through rough patches that can be overcome with work, commitment, and professional guidance. In other cases, however, there may be fundamental differences that can’t be resolved.
Consider Marriage Counseling
If you and your spouse are open to it, marriage counseling can be a helpful tool to address communication problems, underlying issues, and emotional disconnection. A licensed therapist can help guide you both through the challenges in your relationship and provide techniques for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and rebuilding trust.
Therapists are trained to help couples identify unhealthy patterns and introduce strategies to improve interactions. If both partners are committed to making changes, counseling can be an effective means of rediscovering your connection and resolving conflicts. However, therapy doesn’t work for everyone. If one partner isn’t fully committed to making changes or the issues are too deeply ingrained, counseling may not be enough to salvage the marriage.
Reflect on What You Want for the Future
As you assess whether your marriage is worth saving, take time to reflect on your own personal desires for the future. Are you happy with who you are in the relationship, and are you still able to envision a future with your spouse? If you’re unable to imagine a future with them, it may be time to acknowledge that your paths are diverging.
The new year is an excellent time for introspection, allowing you to assess your long-term goals and see if they still align with those of your spouse. Sometimes, personal growth means realizing that you’ve changed in ways that no longer make your marriage feel fulfilling. If this is the case, it might be time to consider that the marriage has run its course.
Speak to Trusted Friends or Family
Talking to someone you trust can provide perspective. Sometimes, we become so emotionally invested in our own relationships that it’s difficult to see things clearly. A trusted friend or family member can offer a more objective viewpoint and help you weigh the pros and cons of staying versus leaving.
Choosing to divorce is often feels like an isolating decision, but talking to those who care about you can help you process your feelings. However, be cautious about seeking advice from those who may have strong opinions about your relationship. It’s important to seek input from people who respect your autonomy and understand your unique situation.
3. Emotional Readiness: Are You Ready for Divorce?
Deciding whether to divorce is one of the most difficult decisions many people will make in their lifetime. Before you take any action, it’s important to assess whether you’re emotionally ready for the next steps.
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Divorce is a life-altering event, and the emotional toll can feel overwhelming. In the short term, you may experience feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, or even relief. It’s normal to feel conflicted as you consider the impact of divorce on your family, your finances, and your future. In the long term, our clients tend to feel liberated, relieved, and happier - but it is a journey to get there.
The new year can be an opportunity for clarity, but it’s important to make sure your decision is well thought out and not influenced solely by temporary emotions. If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, it might be helpful to seek therapy or talk with a counselor to guide you through the process.
Children and Family Considerations
If you have children, it’s important to consider how the decision to divorce will affect them. While staying in an unhappy marriage “for the kids” is not usually the right choice, you will need to plan for how to support them through the divorce process.
Children often struggle with the emotional fallout of a divorce, but with the right tools and resources, divorce can ultimately be a better decision for children too. A toxic or unhappy household can be more damaging than the temporary transition of the divorce itself. Often, separating is the best option for the emotional well-being of the entire family. If you’re considering divorce, you should be prepared to co-parent in a way that minimizes the impact on your children. There are many resources to help with this.
4. Practical Considerations: Is the Timing Right for a Divorce?
While emotions are critical to the decision-making process, there are also practical considerations that can impact the timing of your divorce. The new year may offer an opportunity to take a fresh, strategic look at your situation and plan for the future.
Financial Preparedness
Divorce can have significant financial implications, and it’s important to understand your financial situation as much as possible before making any decisions. This includes exploring the value of shared assets, debts, and any future obligations such as spousal support or child support. In California, property division can be complex, and you’ll need to understand how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce.
The more prepared you can be, the better. This is why we often advise hiring an experienced family law attorney as early as possible in the process, even if you are only considering divorce. This legal advice can help you get your proverbial “ducks in a row.” It also may be helpful to have discussions with your financial advisors and tax professionals.
Legal Factors and Divorce Laws in California
California is a no-fault divorce state, meaning you do not need to prove wrongdoing or blame to get a divorce. However, California law still has specific guidelines on issues like property division, child custody, and spousal support. Understanding how these laws may affect your case is crucial for making informed decisions. An experienced divorce attorney should help you understand these rules in plain English so you can make the best decisions possible.
Additionally, the process of divorce in California can take some time. If you’re unsure about whether to proceed with a divorce, it’s worth understanding the time frame. An experienced family law attorney should be able to gauge the approximate length of the process depending on the facts of your case.
Support Networks
Divorce is not something you have to go through alone. Whether it’s through therapy, legal counsel, family, or friends, having a support network is essential during this time. If you’re unsure about proceeding with a divorce, talking with someone who has gone through a similar experience can provide insights and emotional validation.
5. Is the New Year the Right Time to Make a Change?
The start of a new year can be a time for new beginnings and personal growth. If you’ve been unhappy in your marriage for some time and have carefully considered your options, it may feel like the right time to take action. Here are a few reasons why the new year might be the right time for a change:
Emotional Clarity: After reflecting on the past year, you may feel more clear about what you want for your future and what you no longer want in your marriage.
New Goals: The new year often inspires us to set new personal goals. If a divorce aligns with your long-term goals, it may be the perfect time to start the process.
Fresh Start: If you’ve been in a toxic or unfulfilling relationship, the new year offers an opportunity to start fresh, both emotionally and practically.
However, it’s important not to make a decision in haste. Take the time to reflect, consult with professionals, and consider how you can create the best outcome for your future. Divorce can be a difficult journey, but it can also be a new beginning, and the new year can be the perfect time to take that step.
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Emily Rubenstein Law PC is a full service divorce and family law firm. We proudly serve Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, West Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Culver City, the South Bay, Glendale, Pasadena, Sherman Oaks, Studio City, Encino and all of Los Angeles County.
Give us a call or check out our website:
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